In the end.

There was no sound in the room except the soft click of fingers on a computer keyboard.

"27 September:

I really don't know how to explain it. It's like, yesterday, everything was ok. And today, it's like my world is ending. That's gotta sound stupid, I know, but it's true. I don't even know what to do with myself. I woke up today, and everything was fine. And then boom, this thing hit me like a brick.

I don't know whether I should be really happy or really upset that it's over. For all these years, my life completely revolved around a band. I had gotten used to things the way the were - a new Five video, a new Five song, a new Five magazine cover. And knowing today that it's over, that there never will be anything more from Five, it gives me this empty feeling. It's like I've been living in a dream world and now I have to wake up and face a cold reality that I'm not ready for.

I want to cry but I'd feel like an ass for doing it. There are so many people who are acting really strange around me, like they expect me to break down any minute but I won't do it. I won't give them the satisfaction. It's just a band, right? Life goes on. But still, I wonder. . ."

"Abs?" Ritchie's voice interrupted. Abs looked up from his laptop to see Ritchie standing in the doorway to the dressing room. Abs was waiting there alone, trying to collect his thoughts before going on MTV to announce that the band was breaking up. He was trying to make light of the situation; he had gotten a friend to shave ‘C YA' in the back of his head that morning. But still, he was finding it tough.
&"Yeah?" Abs asked, glancing up at his friend and former band mate. Ritchie had s somber expression on his normally cheerful features, and Abs was certain that there had been some crying that morning. Abs had sequestered himself from the rest of the group for the time before their short spot that morning. Scott was jittery because he was getting married in less than 24 hours, and J was just so damn cheerful over the whole thing that Abs had been about ready to deck him. So Abs thought it best to hide out for a while.
"Are you almost done with your journal? We're supposed to be going on in a minute," Ritchie told him.
"Yeah, I'm done," Abs said with a sigh, saving his latest entry and closing his laptop. Ritchie offered him a weak smile as he walked towards the door.
"C'mon," Ritchie told him. "Let's go end it."